Category: Nonsense
Map Reveals Best and Worst US States for Sperm Health
I don’t think it means anything, but the four states with the highest sperm counts and the four with the lowest are all red states.
This, however, probably does mean something: It appears that sperm health is ameliorated by life in a big, empty state with little industry. The only problem is that there’s nobody there to have sex with.
What I have learned from courtroom sketches
Lesson 1: Johnny Bravo is now on trial
Lesson 2: One witness in the Johnny Bravo trial is Captain Kangaroo
Lesson 3: Ashton Kutcher masterminded Watergate with E. Howard Hunt. He also played Mr. Mooney on the Lucy Show. Also, the dude has some shoulders on ‘im.
Lesson 4: Jude Law is an elf
Lesson 5: Some of the beautiful people aren’t as beautiful as we think
Paris Hilton
Taylor Swift
Tom Brady
Lesson 6: Donald Trump stole Christmas from the Whos
Tom Brady roast: Top highlights from the raunchy Netflix special
Two of my favorite lines:
Nikki Glaser: “Tom lost $30 million in crypto. Tom, how did you fall for that? Even Gronk was like, ‘Me know that not real money.'”
Tom Brady: “The NFL spent $20 million and found that it was more ‘probable’ than not, that I was ‘generally’ aware that someone may have deflated my footballs. You could’ve just given me the 20 million and I would’ve just told you I fuckin’ did it.”
The 6 Most Obnoxious Reality Shows of All Time
Excerpt:
A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila
Tila Tequila is the world’s trashiest tv personality – and I don’t even think she’d be mad to hear me say it. She relishes controversy, like her support for Hitler, her obviously fake pregnancy announcements and her utterly bonkers dating life. In 2007, she appeared in MTV’s A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila. The premise was that she would pick ‘a shot at love’ from 16 men and 16 women, but they wouldn’t know she was bisexual until the end of the first episode. It ended with her choosing some dude and then promptly never speaking to him again. In the second and last episode, she picked a woman who declined the ‘shot at love.’
I had forgotten about The Simple Life, which the author chose as one of the six. Whoever owns that show should re-run it, now that Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian (who was Paris’s assistant at the time) are famous.
20 Hilarious Bumper Stickers
” Some bumper stickers are informative, some are religious, some are political …
Hugh Grant made an audition tape to play Tony the Tiger
Article in The Hollywood Reporter
From everything I have seen so far, Jerry Seinfeld’s new movie, Unfrosted, looks hilarious. He treats the invention of Pop-Tarts as a monumental achievement. It’s a kinda-sorta homage to The Right Stuff, as Kellogg’s (the USA surrogate) and Post (the USSR) race in 1963 to create a pastry that will change the breakfast game, and all of mankind, forever.
Hugh Grant plays a classically-trained actor who wants to perform in Shakespeare’s plays, but has bills to pay, so he takes the gig as Tony the Tiger. The rest of the cast features just about every comic actor and stand-up comic you can think of, playing everyone from Walter Cronkite and JFK to Snap, Crackle and Pop. (How did I miss them for the triplets portion of Famous Pairs?)
Forget Chanel No.5 – KFC’s now launched its very own ‘No.11’ perfume.
Dubbed the ‘No. 11 Eau de BBQ’, KFC’s brand new fragrance boasts a ‘classic BBQ experience’ in every 100ml bottle.
I’m not making any of this up.
“At KFC, we’re all about thinking outside the (burger) box, so, naturally, when we created a burger so irresistible, we had to bottle it! Behold, No 11 Eau de BBQ – capturing the mouth-watering scent of our brand-new Ultimate BBQ burger, which allows you to sizzle with every spritz. This one is for the real die-hard KFC and BBQ fans because who said fragrance can’t also be finger lickin’ good?”
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog covers the Trump trial
“This man is with Gays for Trump, everyone. My name’s Triumph, I’m with Dogs for Michael Vick.”