The President declared it Lake America today with an executive order
More things that need renaming from their association with the Evil Canadian Empire, first pass:
Canada Goose – Freedom Fowl
Canada Dry – 51st State Soda
Canadian bacon – Hoser Ham
Canadian Club – Annexation Whiskey
Canadian Rockies – Red White and Blue Mountains
Canadian football – Minor League Football
Maple Syrup – Liberty Sap
Canada jay – Patriot Pigeon
Canada thistle – Border Weed
Maple Leaves – Treason Blooms
Royal Canadian Mounties – the Scarlet Stasi
Hockey – ice soccer
The Gordie Howe Bridge – The 51st State Causeway, carrying Steve Bannon Boulevard, leading to The Department of Peaceful Annexation Welcome Pavilion on the American side.
The Rainbow Bridge – The Make Niagara Straight Again Bridge.
And Canada has totally fucked up the Thousand Islands, because there are actually far more.
They call it the Thousand Islands. Very inaccurate. Very sad. I looked at it and I said, ‘There are more islands.’ Nobody knew this. The experts said, ‘Sir, how could there be more?’ But I found 864 additional islands. Beautiful islands. Some of the finest islands anywhere. Canada had ignored them for years. Maybe they were hiding them from us. We don’t know.
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So today we are naming it the Trump Archipelago. People are already saying it’s one of the great discoveries in history. Columbus found the Americas. Magellan went around the world. But neither of them found 864 islands. I did.
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As for Oceans:
Our top map guy came up to me. Big guy. Strong guy. Tears in his eyes because I lost the Nobel Peace Prize. He said, “Sir, do you know the word Pacific comes from peace? It should be called the Trump Peace Prize Ocean.”
I said, “That’s very interesting.” Nobody knew this. Nobody knew Pacific meant peace until I told them. And now people are saying, “Why should an ocean get the Peace Prize when Trump ended eight wars?” Very unfair.
So we’re looking at it. The Trump Peace Prize Ocean. Beautiful name. Much better than Pacific. Magellan named it Pacific, and frankly, Magellan didn’t even make it home. I did.
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Trump’s de-Ontario declaration purports to change a name that dates back to a time long before America and Canada were nations. It was first called Ontario by Europeans in the mid 17th century, but some Native Americans had previously called it that, possibly for centuries. Wikipedia says it was originally a Wendat (Huron) word.
Personally, I can now say I grew up on the shore of Lake America.
I won’t, but I can.
I know the answer to my question in the headline. He’s obviously saving his own name for Lake Superior. Ontario is small potatoes. Since I grew up in sight of Ontario, I am disappointed that he didn’t name it Lake Scoopy to honor his old Fordham schoolmate. After all, Superior is not grand enough for the Prez, but I’ll be perfectly happy with one of the smaller lakes.
Not Erie, though.
Although it makes sense for Erie to be called Lake Other Crap.
If I were Trump, I would be selling the renaming rights for the lakes, as they do with baseball stadiums. It’s a perfectly Trumpian scam. How did he not think of it? Companies would vie for the right. Of course we wouldn’t allow a great lake to become Lake Tim Hortons or Lake Canadian Tire, but there are plenty of American companies that would bid. I think Lake Kum & Go has a nice ring to it. How about Lake Master Bait and Tackle?
In the case of Kum & Go, Trump could sell the naming rights to a brand that is disappearing and then claim he personally saved Kum & Go. “They were going out of business. Terrible situation until I gave them a lake. Nobody had ever thought of giving a gas station a Great Lake.”
The complete naming-rights program could be:
Lake Superior – Lake Trump, but he’d make Bezos pay for it.
Lake Michigan – Lake Buc-ee’s. Enormous, American, and increasingly difficult to avoid.
Lake Huron – Lake Master Bait & Tackle. The aquatic connection makes this practically responsible governance.
Lake Erie – Lake Kum & Go. “Erie” was depressing anyway.
Lake Ontario – Lake America, presented by MyPillow. The government keeps the patriotic naming rights but monetizes the title sponsorship.
And that’s merely the lakes. Once the Treasury discovers this revenue source, every geographic feature becomes inventory. Niagara Falls, brought to you by Liquid-Plumr. The ExxonMobil River, formerly the Mississippi. Old Faithful, powered by Taco Bell.
The real Trumpian masterstroke would be an auction televised from Mar-a-Lago. Companies bid for ten-year naming rights, but Trump retains unilateral authority to reject the winning bidder for insufficient patriotism — or to accept a lower bid from someone who happens to be staying or golfing at one of his resorts.
We made $8 billion naming lakes. Biden made nothing naming lakes. Zero. Not one dollar. Nobody even knew lakes could make money until Trump came along.
Canada should retaliate by calling Seattle, Lower Vancouver or Lake Erie, Lake Epstein.
Lake Epstein would be genius!
100%
Canada could get in front of this, change Lake Ontario to Lake Pig-faced Dickhead.
Trump can call it whatever he likes. But Canadians (and many Americans) will keep on calling it Lake Ontario. Most people still refer to the Gulf of Mexico by its long-standing name. (If you want to get under the skin of a MAGAt, express confusion if he/she refers to the ‘Gulf of America’ and ask where that is). Anyway – one way or another – the corrupt, malevolent, moronic orange turd will not be with us all that much longer, and these name changes will be forgotten.
I disagree that orange turd will not be with us all that much longer. 19 months down, 29 to go. (I thought there were witches were working up some kind of death-hex. C’mon witches, get your heads in the game!) And that 2+ years is bound to feel like a fucking decade.
Of course you’re right that the names will revert and all that gold pimp-bling will be chiselled out of the Oval, probably before the sun sets on Day 1.
I heard he’s going to have Congress disobey the Constitution ,so he can run for a 3rd term.Since most Democrats don’t give s shit about the law why should he? That’ll be fun to see when he gets elected the 3rd time as Democrats will be leaving for Rusdia,and China in droves 🤣
Tim Horton’s isn’t a Canadian company anymore. They’re owned by some Brazilian shitheads who want to make subpar coffee, sandwiches and donuts. That McDonalds is a better place to get coffee from is a sign of how far they’ve fallen.
I haven’t been there in many years, but it always used to be a good place to stop for coffee and a really good muffin. Sad to hear it now sucks.
I went to one about 12-14 years ago and was annoyed that they wouldn’t let the customer add the cream and sugar. Last time I ever went to one, and the coffee wasn’t all that great.
It doesn’t suck. The lines are still around the block every day. Canadians just love to complain about it now since it’s not 100% Canadian. Headquartered in Toronto.
Or the coffee took a noticeable dip in quality.
Or the pastries used to be baked fresh on site and are now frozen.
At least it’s got some budget sandwich’s.
It’s owned by a multinational. They expect cheep product to enhance shareholder value.
We already have a Lake Trump. It’s that long rectangular algae-filled pool between the Lincoln Memorial and the Washington Monument.
(and I agree, Lake Epstein would be perfect)
Chronic distraction from the shithole he’s created both in and out of office the past 10 years. He’ll have his 33% as a part of his sycophantic cult who contribute nothing to humanity hang on every word in their sorry lives, and then next week it will be something else. The lame duck has two plus years in office to flail, then he’ll be gone, and eventually get beat by father time like us all. And in a century him and his followers will be looked at like the political equivalent of Jim Jones or L Ron Hubbard.
Future humans will just look at this era as one of the dumbest in history, with some of the dumbest fucking people in history to boot.
Trump still has 37/38% of the Rep base ie his cult. Unfortunately they are the ones who vote. And so it goes …
Re: Lake Superior the Indians prefer Gitche Gumee.
Superior, they said, never gives up her dead
When the gales of November come early
It’s Ojibwe
By the shores of Gitche Gumee
By the shining Big-Sea-Water
Stood the wigwam of Nokomis
Daughter of the Moon, Nokomis.
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Gotta love that Lightfoot song:
“When the gales of November come early”
The Edmund Fitzgerald sank on November 10, 1975, so the gales of November came … in November.
Who could have seen that coming?
For obvious reasons, the gales traditionally start on Armistice Day, which is November 11. But in 1975 they came early, as you note.
Current thinking is that Joe Biden is to blame for that. The early gales, that is, not the Armistice. I believe current thinking is that Donald Trump made the Armistice Deal and ended the First World War. That is the reason November 11 will be named Trump Day, as it should have been all along.
If any day could be named Trump Day, do you think he would choose November 11th? I’d be willing to bet that he doesn’t know the significance of “On the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month.”
I think October 5th would be a good choice.
April 1st.
How about the 5th of November?
Somehow January 6th has a ring to it…
Well Trump followed through today and issued an Executive Order changing the name to ‘Lake America’. I must say that as a Canadian I feel unaccountable glee about this. Even more so than usual this move shows off his extreme asinine petty childish nature. Canada is going to pay a price over the next couple of years for this trade war with the U.S. (though I am personally willing to pay it), but I have not met anyone yet who feels the particular lake ‘renaming’ effort is anything other than funny. It will be even funnier if he can get some MAGAt hangers-on to refer to it ‘Lake America’ as well – I’d just love to hear it on Fox News, for example. And of course it will still be called Lake Ontario here.
Here too.
Christ what an asshole.
It’s just his usual, time-tested tactic:
Cause a distraction, so people won’t be talking about Iran, the economy, prices or Epstein.
To a certain extent, that maneuver still works.
From an Econ blogger today quoting someone you may have heard of but likely not: [ Retaliatory tariffs ]
“…are like dumping rocks into your own harbor because other countries have rocky coasts.”
This actually works out well. When I was a lad in school, we were taught to use the mnemonic HOMES to remember the names of the five great lakes. With Ontario changed to America, we can now use the mnemonic SHAME.
Or you can just remember ‘Lisa likes licking llamas lightly’ :
Lake Superior
Lake Michigan
Lake Huron
Lake Erie
Lake Ontario
Llsa Llkes Llcklng Lllamas Llghtly.
Your country is so cringy. And his voters are so stupid.
I want Canada to start calling us the 11th province. Once they explain to that fat fuck what a province is and tell him that Canada has 10 (and that 11 is one more than 10) he’ll be super-pissed.
As a Canadian, I’m all for renaming Palm Beach, the location of Mar-a-Lago, to Pedo Beach.
We Americans are so sorry for all this bullshit. We love Canada and Canadians, honest. Even MAGAts probably love Canada. But our leader is just batshit crazy.
Who’s this “WE” bullshit? I’m.American and I love it.I can’t wait till Canada becomes our 51st state and president Trump renamed every body of water,and landmark after himself during his 5th term
5th term… He’ll be dead long before then. He doesn’t have 10 months in him let alone 10 more years.
Troll
Obviously Trump himself loves Canada. You don’t try to acquire things you hate. I don’t hear him talking about acquiring Nigeria. in his mind, Canada is filled with polite white people. (He still lives in the world of his childhood.)
WOW,I knew TDS exsists but who knew renaming Lake Ontario into Lake Trumo,er I mean Lake America would trigger people so bad.My advice:take a deep breath then get on thd phone and make an appointment to see a shrink to see if your TDS can be cured.If that doesn’t work then book a 1 way flight to Rusdia as I hear its nice there this time of year.I’m surevol’Vladdy would love some crazy Americans living in his emoire 😆😅😅😅😅😅
Dude, no one gives a shit. Aren’t you people the ones bitching about the economy, the rich elite, prices, and the deficit for the past 10 years and your cult hero is the one who’s made all of this worse by his dumbass decision making?
Maybe you have reality derangement syndrome, so create your own because brain cell one of yours doesn’t work. So cure yourself of that by doing the world a favor and find your own closest body of water and give yourself a permanent nap at the bottom of it.
Obvious troll is obvious.
Vladdy is Trump’s lord and master.
I doubt that anyone is triggered because nobody cares. It’s juvenile nonsense. He can change Lake Erie to Lake Eric for all I care. That would be a good one because it’s easy to change the signs! This just gives us a chance to ridicule him for yet another demonstration of his senile reversion to childhood.
Not surprising that his cult believes everyone is triggered about everything, when literally everything they do is to provoke a reaction or doing things out of spite because their own lives are miserable.
It takes a certain kind of piece of shit to see the world turning to hell, and the only thing they can think about is to make it worse for everyone else, including themselves out of spite. That affordability and debt stuff turned out to be bullshit, yet again.
I’m surprised MAGA cares so much about sex change operations, since so many cut their balls off to take it up the ass from a billionaire.
I think the Canadian response should be as follows. Since the ports for Lake “America” goes through Canada. Canada should make it a requirement that any and all goods shipped through that port to and from Lake “America” be labeled as with Lake Ontario. Should have no changes on their side, but man can I see the tantrum thrown by Trump
Yes, I can hear you, Clem Fandango.
By Executive Order I have renamed Lake Superior to Lake Obama after the greatest President the US will ever have.
Thank you. Although I would say “the greatest president of the last 50 years.”
I laughed hard at the Make Niagra Straight Again Bridge.
OMG…This is just schoolyard stuff that 99.999999% of the population outgrew in grade school. The whole world is laughing and groaning. The Americans voted for this moron, not once but TWICE.
“Today, I going to sign an Order that Canada will now be called “State of AmeriCan”. They’re been acting like a State for many years and ripping us off. We’ve been sending billions of our dollars to them for their cheap oil, electricity, and aluminum. No more … no more … Canada is so ungrateful that we buy their stuff and are taking advantage of us. We are keeping all those dollars so you have to pay higher prices to buy from our friends Venezuela, Russia, and China.”
Trump is not only the playground bully who’ll take his ball and go home, he’s the guy who’ll try to get the whole playground named after him, and exclude the offending parties. He’ll then keep tabs on them as they age, passing laws precisely pertaining to those specific people to take away their food stamps and medicaid. He’ll buy all the supermarkets in their neighborhoods and raise the prices 20x. When they die, he’ll buy their cemeteries and make golf courses out of them, making sure that the 18th hole is directly over their corpses, so he can have one last laugh as he sinks his final putt.
All because they offended him when he 10 years old. That’s who the guy is. His twisted vengeance knows no boundaries. What he fails to realize is that he can’t anything with him when he goes. His possessions, his hateful feelings, his pride, etc. He’ll be just another schmuck like anyone else who lived a little while then ceased to exist. So all this bullshit he does is ultimately for nothing.
it’s this stupid headline that just proves you don’t fuckin get it. go ahead go arrest more journalists who are exposing immigrant fraud idiots
What is immigrant fraud? And what journalists have been arrested? And what were they charged with?
(I am not really expecting an answer to any of these questions. But the absence of them will speak louder than words.)
I get that you’re trolling and trying to change the subject, but when has any legitimate journalist been arrested for exposing immigrant fraud?
Actual verifiable sources only, please so no “Fox News” or “OAN” or “a dream I had after drinking anti-freeze.”
Dude seriously, why *not* Lake Trump? It’s not America that’s acting like a peeved 5-year-old, it’s your boy Donny. Remember, those are two different things. Insulting Trump is not treason, it’s not even insulting America. If you pray to Trump, your prayer will be answered. The answer will be No unless there’s some money in it for the old cum-dumpster.
Many, many years ago there was a children’s TV show in the UK called Trumpton.
I think the Donald must have seen it and it has given him ideas.