Mount Fishmore:
Mike Trout – Obviously. 91 WAR and counting. 167 OPS+. In his prime, one of the greatest hitters in history.
Dizzy Trout – Excellent pitcher from around WW2 era. 50 lifetime WAR
Catfish Hunter – Hall of Famer, 224 wins, Cy Young, perfect game, five World Series rings
Tim Salmon — 41 WAR, 299 homers, .884 OPS, 1993 Rookie of the Year.
Honorable mention:
Randy Bass — In MLB he was replacement-level chum: –1.1 WAR. In Japan he became Godzilla with gills: consecutive Triple Crowns in 1985–86, including .389 in 1986, still the Japanese single-season batting-average record.
The starting line-up:
Pitchers:
Dizzy Trout
Catfish Hunter
Mudcat Grant – Two-time All-Star, and 21–7 for the 1965 pennant-winning Twins.
Steve Trout — Dizzy’s son: 88–92, 13.3 WAR. His nickname was actually Rainbow.
Batters:
CF – Mike Trout
RF – Tim Salmon
LF – Kevin Bass — Excellent journeyman outfielder: 14.8 WAR, 1,308 hits, 118 HR, 151 steals. Switch hitter.
DH – A.J. Pollock — All-Star, Gold Glove center fielder and 2020 World Series champion; a very solid all-around player with 145 homers and 122 steals. 22.1 WAR.
3B – Lip Pike — One of baseball’s first genuine power stars, tying for the HR lead in 1871 and leading outright in 1872 and 1873; he also once famously beat a racehorse in a sprint.
SS – There is no great fish shortstop, so we have to reach way down to the bottom of our imaginary tank and scoop up Oyster Burns – 25.8 WAR, .300/.368/.445, 135 OPS+, and he led the NL in both homers and RBI in 1890.
2B – Bobby Sturgeon — Slick-fielding Cubs shortstop/second baseman whose career was interrupted by three years in the Navy during WWII; he hit a career-best .296 upon returning in 1946.
1B – Sid Bream — Dependable 11-year first baseman with a 108 OPS+, best remembered for his improbable dash home to win Game 7 of the 1992 NLCS for Atlanta.
C – Hank Conger — Switch-hitting former first-round catcher who played seven seasons with the Angels, Astros and Rays
Bench:
Shad Barry — Turn-of-the-century utility man, 1,073 hits and 3.7 WAR.
Mike Carp — Six MLB seasons, 27 HR, 108 OPS+, 1.9 WAR. Not a star, but we’re getting into the shallow end of the pond.
Chico Salmon – Long enough career but only 1.0 WAR.
Norm Bass – Replacement level. Pitched only parts of three seasons.