Uncle Scoopy's world-weary musings about naked celebrities, sports, humor and other important, manly things.
In his diary, he writes about cutting off the penis of a road-killed raccoon in 2001, while his kids waited patiently in the car, so that he could examine it later.
Damn, my parents’ road trips were so boring. The only time we ever stopped was to pick up some pralines at Stuckey’s. It would have really broken up the boredom if my dad had stopped occasionally to mutilate some woodland creatures.
The Onion’s take:
Kennedy said that a doctor at Harvard had “cured schizophrenia using keto diets”
Kennedy making such a claim is probably self-refuting, as if Wesley Snipes claimed that his diet turned him white.
In his speech, Kennedy cited a “Dr. Pollan” at Harvard, but there appears to be no such person there or elsewhere who has studied the keto diet and its effect on schizophrenia.
“Attention Sour Patch Factory people: Give me the autism and no one gets hurt,” said the 71-year-old Cabinet member and vaccine skeptic, who cocked his gun and kicked down the door of the facility, grabbing workers, shooting bullets at conveyor belts, and kicking down enormous vats of bright colored gelatin before demanding to see the “head autism scientist” so he could kill him and “end autism forever.”
Well, where are they? This is the best I’ve seen so far.
His boasting got back to her editor, who wasn’t thrilled, given that she has written articles about BWB.
I think it’s only fair that Cheryl Hines should sent nude pics to NY Magazine.
OK, I really meant Hustler.
That felony, commonly called the Ahab Law, is very specific and rarely invoked.
According to his daughter, Kick:
Every time we accelerated on the highway, whale juice would pour into the windows of the car, and it was the rankest thing on the planet. We all had plastic bags over our heads with mouth holes cut out, and people on the highway were giving us the finger, but that was just normal day-to-day stuff for us.
I love this guy. The best thing about Brain Worm Boy is that there is no story about him too bizarre to be true. If you told me that he traveled to Siberia to taste tiger meat, or if you told me he proposed using trained falcons to control New York’s rat problem, I would not assume you were kidding. Like his daughter, I’d think it was just “normal day-to-day stuff” for BWB. It will be difficult for The Onion to satirize him because it’s almost impossible to come up with a headline that doesn’t sound completely believable.
Cheryl Hines was married to Larry David on screen, but to Brain Worm Boy in real life.
I’ve always found her to be gorgeous and underrated.
If I recall correctly, Brain Worm Boy was one of Daredevil’s least-feared enemies. Even Aquaman had psychic power over many sea creatures, but Brain Worm Boy could only bend bears to his will. I remember the story line where BWB wanted to destroy all the labs where vaccinations were produced, and only The Man Without Fear stood in his way. He thought he could eliminate Daredevil with his usual plan – to have a black bear jump in front of Daredevil’s car at night in a dark forest. Because the brain worm affected his thought process, BWB forgot that the state of New York doesn’t issue driver’s licenses to blind men.
BWB then turned to Plan B, in which he just had a rabies-infected cub bite Daredevil. Ironically, the plan failed because Daredevil was vaccinated!
To make matters worse, Daredevil killed the bear in the melee, which left Brain Worm Boy to dispose of the carcass.
I think you know the rest of the story.