Category: Sports

20 Dangerous Things You Should Let Your Kids Do

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When we baby boomers were kids, before the days of helicopter parents, we ran through this whole check list, more or less. One exception: my parents did NOT let me drive a car, but some of the kids who lived on farms did get to drive on their family’s land.

It was a different world. In the summer, from about age 9 or 10, I left the house on my bike at dawn and returned at dusk. That was typical in that era. My friend and I made a few bucks each day by scavenging for deposit bottles that people discarded at nearby picnic and amusement areas. A dollar bought a lot in those days – ten comic books or twenty packs of baseball cards.

I never forgot the top guy in the first pack of baseball cards I opened in 1958. That man, while still quite young, later turned out to be the baseball coach at my college. This was the card.

Gil was famous for two things:

1. He was the ultimate supersub. Casey assigned him to play wherever there might have been a weak spot, which means the Yankees of that era never really had a weak spot. McDougald led all American League infielders in double plays at three different positions – at third base (1952), at second base (1955) and shortstop (1957).

2. He hit the infamous line drive that nearly killed the rising Cleveland superstar Herb Score.

Score had been the rookie of the year with 16 wins, and followed that up with a 20-win season in his second season. He led the league in strikeouts both seasons. He was 23 years old. In early May of the next season, he was struck on the eye by McDougald’s liner, and that was essentially the end of his career. His lifetime ERA at the time was 2.63, lower than the lifetime figure for Whitey Ford or Sandy Koufax. He had struck out 9.6 batters per nine innings, compared to 9.3 for the great Koufax. Score seemed to have recovered in 1958 when he had a couple of good starts in April, but he tore a tendon in his left elbow early in the season, and the rest of his career consisted of aborted comebacks. He finally hung it up in 1963 after he went 0-6 with a 7.66 ERA – against poor competition in the minor leagues! He spent the next 30 years in the broadcast booth as a beloved Cleveland institution. His last game as announcer was the seventh game of the Indians’ World Series in 1997, when they came oh-so-close to a championship, losing a 3-2 heartbreaker in 11 innings.

Herb died in 2008. His best obit was written by … well, I believe it was me.

Gil died two years later. I’ll bet you can guess who authored the obit I’m linking to.

“The 11 Most Horrific Sports Injuries Ever”

Scoop, ... 3 comments.

Say what? Ever? I don’t think so. OK, they’re bad but maybe these are the most horrific in the past 15 minutes.

Some better examples:

Cleveland’s Ray Chapman died after being hit in the head by a pitch thrown by Carl Mays, a pitcher for the New York Yankees. I’d call that pretty horrific.

Bill Masterton of the Minnesota North Stars died from injuries sustained in an NHL game.

Frankie Campbell was beaten to death in a boxing match by Max Baer. (Remember the Beverly Hillbillies? Max Baer was Jethro’s father!)

Owen Hart died while executing a dangerous rasslin’ stunt in a live pay-per-view event.

You may remember that the great Dale Earnhardt, arguably the NASCAR “GOAT,” was mangled fatally in a crash at Daytona (on the final lap).

Quarterback Joe Theismann suffered a gruesome and catastrophic fracture to his right leg that ended his career. Here’s something I’ll bet you’ve forgotten: the Skins were 5-5 when Thiesmann went down. They were then 5-1 without him! Thiesmann was 36 and should have been retired. He had the second-lowest QBR in the league among regular starters (10 or more games), and was very close to last. (Interceptions were the main cause of his low rating.) His replacement, Jay Schroeder, had a rating slightly above the league average. (It didn’t matter. Nobody was going to beat Da Bears juggernaut that year. They were one of the greatest teams in history, some say THE greatest. They went 15-1 in the regular season, then won their post-season games 21-0, 24-0 and 46-10.)

Tears in the Windy City. R.I.P. Ryno

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Several seasons over .300, a 40-homer season, another season with 19 triples, a third season with 54 stolen bases, nine gold gloves, an MVP, a plaque in the Hall of Fame.

And there was, of course, The Sandberg Game, a single game so impressive that it has its own Wikipedia page.

If Ryne Sandberg, the very embodiment of youthful speed, power and agility, could die so young, so enfeebled, what’s to become of the rest of us?

What indeed.

Scottie Scheffler is in good company

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Only three golfers in modern times have won four or more majors by a margin of three or more strokes: Jack Nicklaus, Tiger Woods and Scottie.

As Bryson Dechambeau says, Scottie is in a league by himself

SIDEBAR: Greatest margins of victory in golf majors:

US Open – Tiger Woods, 15 strokes (2000)
Masters – Tiger Woods, 12 strokes (1997)
British Open (modern, 1920-present) – Tiger Woods, 8 strokes (2000)
PGA – Rory McIlroy, 8 strokes (2012)

Tiger won the PGA four times, but never by more than five strokes.

Other:
British Open (72 holes, 1892-1919) – three Opens finished with an 8-stroke margin
British Open (36 hole format, 1860-1891) – Old Tom Morris, 13 strokes (1862)

Old Tom didn’t have that difficult a challenge, given that virtually nobody else played golf then. The game was basically contained within Scotland. Anyone was allowed to enter that tournament and only eight people showed up (and two of them dropped out). In those days Prestwick had 12 holes and the competitors played it three times – the equivalent of two rounds at the modern size of 18 holes.

It would be 30 years before a non-Scot would win, and 60 years before an American usurper would win the Claret Jug.

Then the game changed. No Scotsman would win from 1921-1984.

JJ Spaun, the first round leader, was also the last round leader

Scoop, ... 3 comments.

Good for him. First major.

Because Spaun’s two closest contenders after the third round, Sam Burns and Adam Scott, shot 78 and 79, all Spaun had to do was avoid a blow-up. It looked like he wasn’t even going to accomplish that modest goal when he bogeyed five of the first six holes. (Spaun became the first U.S. Open winner to start his final round with three consecutive holes over par!) He played well down the stretch, however, and really clutched up on the last two holes. Spaun was the only competitor to finish under par for the tournament – just one under, to be exact, and he had to sink a 65-foot putt on his final shot to get there. (Hey, Oakmont is a tough town.)

Golf’s superstars were too far behind to catch up, although many of them carded great rounds today. (For example, Jon Rahm and Rory McIlroy shot 67s.)

The best thing about the tournament: Daddario was there. There are plenty of guys surrounding her, but nobody seems to notice her. Their eyes are on the course.

Fuckin’ morons!


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Kidding aside, Alexandra must be a real fan, because she has no roots in that area, and that course is not in LA or Miami or someplace elegant. It’s in the middle of nowhere, somewhere near Pittsburgh, off I-76. That’s not the typical locale for the swanky bullshit event crowd to see and be seen. Or even for me. I mean I like golf, but I’m not going to Pittsburgh to watch it. Or even to play it.

Your move, Sydney Sweeney.

—-

By the way …

Justin Hastings, that 21-year-old kid from the country with one golf course (Cayman Islands) did pretty damn well. He shot 73-73-73-76 to be the top amateur. Well, really the only amateur still standing. If he had been a pro, he would have pocketed about fifty grand.

By the way, Hastings was also the low amateur at the Masters, and in his college career at San Diego State he broke the record for the lowest career scoring average in school history. The previous record holder went on to a pretty good career. Some guy named Xander.

So it was a helluva week for San Diego State, because JJ Spaun also played his college golf there!

Full Open results

Day 2 at Oakmont: The beast claims its victims

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Sam Burns took the lead at -3 by shooting an incredible 65.

Only three players are under par, and they will probably struggle to stay there.

The cut was +7 and four of the world’s top ten golfers couldn’t even match that. Only one of those ten (Russell Henley) is in the top ten at Oakmont.

The bookies still feel that Scottie Scheffler is one of the four favorites, along with the three who are under par. Scheffler is seven strokes behind, but is still only paying off at 8-1.

Justin Hastings of the Cayman Islands, age 21, is assured of becoming the low amateur. After shooting a pair of 73s, he’s the only amateur that made the cut, although more than a dozen qualified to play. It’s not easy to become a great golfer in the Caymans – there are only two golf courses, and only one of them has the full 18 holes. Hastings holds the course record on that full-sized course, with an eye-popping 57!

The defending champions of the majors:

Xander Schauffele (British Open, World #3): 72-74, 45th place
Rory McIlroy (Masters, World #2)): 74-72, 45th place
Bryson DeChambeau (U.S. Open, World #10): 73-77, missed the cut
Scottie Scheffler (PGA, World #1): 73-71, 23rd place

The rest of the world top ten:

#4 Collin Morikawa 70-74, 23rd place
#5 Justin Thomas 76-76, missed the cut
#6 Ludvig Åberg 72-76, missed the cut
#7 Russell Henley 72-70, 8th place
#8 Sepp Straka 78-73, missed the cut
#9 Hideki Matsuyama 74-73, 58th place (barely made the cut)

The story below proves what a cruel game golf can be:

George Duangmanee is a 23-year-old kid who recently turned pro. His only route into PGA events was the Monday qualifiers, where a bunch of hopefuls compete for very few spots. Last month he defied the odds by making it into the Myrtle Beach Classic, where he again defied the odds by making the cut! He then went through the qualifying process for the US Open, got through the local qualifier, then again defied the odds by shooting 68-67 in the final qualifier on June 2, thus punching his ticket to the big show. He had made it through the same process where Ricky Fowler and Sergio Garcia had failed. It’s safe to say that on June 2, two weeks ago, he was on the top of the world, having demonstrated a tremendous combination of poise, talent and luck in the previous month.

That dream-bubble not only burst, but did so in dramatic fashion. He carded an 86 in the first round at Oakmont, the day’s worst round. He probably thought that, if nothing else, the worst was over. It wasn’t. He followed that up with an even worse round of 89, which was again the worst round of the day.

This is the MiLB team that Last Week Tonight with John Oliver is going to rebrand

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Congratulations to the Erie SeaWolves, you’re about to be called something else. We are going to research your area and come up with a new name, mascot and theme night for you that nobody else in the league has and that can only come from Erie. As per our original offer, you will get no input into this. … You will take what we have and you will like it. All you have to do is sign your contract. I promise this is going to be great.

Erie has a high crime rate, a high poverty rate, a dying inner city, a shrinking population, and dismal weather. I’ve been there and have driven through there many times, and the most positive thing I have to say is that it is not the worst place in America with a two-syllable name, courtesy of Gary, Indiana.

I Googled “famous people from Erie, Pa,” and the top answer was Alaska Thunderfuck. You think I’m joking, but that is the god’s honest truth:

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As much as I would love to hear the phrase “Go, Thunderfucks” echo through the stadium, there’s not much you can do with any of the above info:

  • The Erie Overcast? (Free Vitamin D night!)
  • The Erie Stag Nation? (Go, Harts! Ladies’ day would be Hind Day)
  • The Erie Glow? (Have you seen the rust belt at sunset?)

It will not be easy to create something affirmative. On the brighter side:

1) How about the Rust Belt Rustlers, who steal bases instead of cattle? The Rustler himself could be a cute mascot, and could spin off shirts and toys

2) Erie is sometimes called the Gem City for inexplicable reasons, so they could call them the Gem City ________. The Gem City Diamonds has a built-in baseball theme, and would actually work as a permanent name

3) I like the Erie Coincidence, and it has great potential for theme nights, but I can’t seem to come up with an idea for a mascot.

Those are OK suggestions, but they are too serious.  I think Oliver is planning something far more outlandish. The funniest gem name that I know of is fukalite, but I don’t think that the Gem City Fukalites will fly, as much as I would like it to.

Go, Fukalites! Here is your mascot, “COCK IN LIGHT SOCKET MAN.” (Because everything is on the internet somewhere. Just Google “fucking a light.”)

Baseball oddity: Jackson Chourio’s OBP is lower than his batting average

Scoop, ... 9 comments.

How possible?

Zero walks, one sacrifice fly.

He has reached base 22 times, all on hits, in 77 plate appearances (a weak .286 OBP), but sac flies are not counted as at-bats, so he has 22 hits in 76 at-bats (a .289 BA – that’s high by today’s standards).

Because of a high slugging average, Chourio has overcome his low OBP to post a very respectable .878 OPS – far above the MLB average of .696.

Trivia:

The batting average this year for all MLB is .235. If it holds, it will be the lowest in major league history – and that’s with no pitchers batting in either league! The current record is .237 set in the notorious 1968 season. The average has dropped below .240 only twice since the modern rules (overhand pitching from 60 feet away) were adopted in 1893: in 1908 and 1968. In both of those seasons, pitchers batted in both leagues, so this season is actually far worse apples-to-apples.

The Pittsburgh Pirates currently have a team batting average of .199. The National League record at the modern pitching distance is .212, set by the Reds in 2020. Excluding that COVID year, the record is .213, set by the 1908 Dodgers. The saddest fact of all: the current Pirates, despite the lowest batting average in history, are only one point lower than the Reds!

Over in the American League, the White Sox are batting .201 as a team, barely below the Twins at .203. The all-time AL record is .211, set by the 1910 White Sox.

Six major league teams are currently below that all-time worst .211 mark set by the 1910 White Sox. In addition to the four mentioned above, the Rangers (.208) and Mariners (.210) are also in contention for the futility record.

On the other hand, batting average is only one component of a complex formula for winning ballgames. The Cincinnati Reds, despite batting a measly .200, have the same 8-8 record as the St. Louis Cardinals, who are leading the majors at .287.

March Madness – Elite Eight

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In this year of total predictability, it’s appropriate that the final four will be the four top seeds. That’s only the second time that has ever happened.

Duke is the betting favorite, and they have looked unstoppable.

If the final round is “Duke beats Florida,” there will be a three-way tie in the ESPN challenge, all of them with very close to a perfect score – 1890 out of 1920. In contrast, the winning score was 1600 in 2023 when the final four consisted of 4-5-5-9.

(One of the three brackets with the “Duke beats Florida” finale accidentally left the tie-breaker blank, meaning he can finish no better than third. That would be a helluva way to lose!)

In the celebrity bracket, none of them are in the top million! Last year, Carlos Boozer finished in the top 80,000, which is tremendous (99.7th percentile).