UPDATED: L’Empire (2024) features some nudity from Anamaria Vartolomei and Lyna Khoudri
UPDATE 2, with Defoe’s 4K clips (and captures).
The Hollywood Reporter summed up the film as follows:
Out of the many movies you could imagine emerging from the mind of French auteur Bruno Dumont, a Star Wars parody was probably somewhere at the bottom of the list.
True dat.
For one thing, a characteristic of the original Star Wars film is non-stop action, while Bruno’s films are the kind where the audience wonders, “I wonder if anything is ever going to happen?”
So it’s less like a parody of Star Wars and more like an intellectual exercise in “What if Star Wars had been directed by Tarkovsky?” This version of the Empire could easily have defeated the rebels by boring them to death.
Although, to be fair, L’Empire is still more interesting than The Phantom Menace.
In one of the nude scenes, Lyna Khoudri is so far from the camera that she may be dressed. It’s 54 seconds of a woman turning slowly around. You have to squint to find her. (On thumbnail size, you can’t even tell that anything is moving!) If you’re still awake after watching that, you may be wondering what happened next. More of the same. The camera focused on her head as she put on a towel. Then the camera pulled back to show her body, now wrapped in a towel, as she wandered around for another 35 seconds. (Wandering around aimlessly is a Dumont trademark.)
Even if you disregard the glacial pacing, you probably realize that parody is not the ideal genre for a pretentious man with no sense of humor.
Twenty years ago, I hated Dumont’s Twentynine Palms so much that I ripped it up minute-by-minute, and I concluded:
Dumont is clueless, and didn’t even bother to think up events which might have some possibility of occurring. The film is tedious and disjointed for all but the last 20 minutes. That final segment isn’t boring, but it is filled with behavior which is totally unmotivated and illogical. 29P makes such legendary pointless films as Zabriskie Point (which this film resembles in certain ways) seem to be as incisive and eloquent as Henry V.
On the other hand, many, many critics disagreed. Some felt that it was a lesson in the tedium and randomness of the universe and other such high-falutin’ existential concepts. I guess they must be right, because this film is a part of the universe, and it is certainly random and tedious.
The late Tuna, my former colleague, was even less forgiving in his appraisal:
To me, this was one of the stupidest films I have ever seen. Evidently Dumont was hoping to elicit an emotional response. My only response was wishing it would end. The best part of this film is that I will never need to see it again. Despite some critics, who proved that they can be as pretentious and clueless as Dumont, this is utter crap. No plot, no characterization, no motivation for anything that happens, and most of what happens is boring. I don’t see how anyone who is honest with himself can claim to enjoy this film.
Twentynine Palms really stunk, but at least it had some good nudity. The nudity in L’Empire never rises to that level, although Anamaria Vartolomei’s scene is ah-ight.
Lyna Khoudri
Anamaria Vartolomei
Stéphanie Palies in episode 4 of Des Vivants
French drama mini-series
Marie, Caroline, Sébastien, Arnaud, Grégory, Stéphane and David were all hostages during the November 13, 2015 terrorist attack in the Bataclan in Paris. From their miraculous survival was born a unique and unbreakable bond.
College Pigskin – the first CFP ranking
The committee’s first ranking isn’t very different from the AP’s.
There are only minor changes in the top 25: Memphis and Cincinnati are out; Pitt and Iowa are in. I agree with those changes. Memphis was my most overrated team of the week, and Cincinnati was also on the overrated list.
One difficulty with the list: there are no teams outside of the Fab Four except Notre Dame, which means that there’s no way to determine the fifth-highest-ranking conference champ, a team that gets an automatic spot in the playoff. (It would have been Memphis, based on the AP rankings.) I don’t know how they would resolve that. Not that it matters. Whichever team gets that spot is likely to be a sacrificial lamb at the altar of the 5th seed (currently Georgia), but at least it gives us a fun underdog to pull for.
For now, I’m assuming that Memphis would get that 12th seed. Therefore, if these were the final rankings, both Texas and Oklahoma would be out, replaced by Virginia and Memphis as the 11th and 12 seed.
I believe there will be many changes in the weeks to come. For example, BYU is currently ranked 7th, but their next three games are all tough, and they will be 10-point underdogs this week! (Similarly, Sagarin’s system favors Texas Tech by 9.) The BYU Cougars are at a fork in the road. One path proves they belong; the other banishes them from the titanic twelvesome.
The Hard Core Last Words of 10 Famous Killers
Based on the list, James French gets the GOAT award for his moment in the electric chair:
“Hey, fellas! How about this for a headline for tomorrow’s paper? ‘French Fries.'”
Brooks Nader deep cleavage
Brooks Nader showing plenty of cleavage and legs while wearing a skimpy and revealing dress to the Swarovski Masters of Light Opening Celebration
… with a guest appearance from her sister.
There are four party-ready Nader sisters, and of course there is also that ultimate party animal, Uncle Ralph.
Left to right: Grace Ann Nader, Mary Holland Nader, Brooks Nader and Sarah Jane Nader
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The Swarovski Masters of Light? Is that the ultimate in Swanky Bullshit Events?
Your move, Tiffany.