After winning a legal battle involving coal executive Bob Murray and a giant squirrel, John Oliver takes on Mr. Murray again
Lyrics after the jump:
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We went to court
Against the world’s worst sport
And learned important lessons on the way
We spoke with perfect candor
Got accused with slander
Cause Bob Murray wants to make us pay
So even though he’ll threaten
Legal armageddon
We have just one tiny thing to say
Bob Murray can go fuck himself today!
John Oliver: Ladies and gentlemen, to help me with a better response to Bob Murray’s complete bullshit. Please welcome to the show, The Suck My Balls Bob Dancers!
The Suck My Balls Bob Dancers:
Murray, Murray, Murray, Murray
Hey Bob! Watch this!
The Suck My Balls Bob Dancers:
He went to The Louvre to spit in Mona Lisa’s face
Filled a rocket with puppies and shot it into space
John Oliver:
He bludgeoned Nancy Kerrigan and watched her cry for fun (Why?)
All:
He murdered Archduke Ferdinand and started World War One!
John: That’s right, if we discussed Bob Murray in a way that no reasonable person could construe as factual. We can say whatever the fuck we like! So come on everyone! Let’s head to the streets!
Interlude 2: The Suck My Balls Bob Dancers
Ahhh
Murray, Wow!
Construction Worker:
He’ll stroll into a stranger’s home and jizz right in their Wheaties
Passerby:
He’ll let you steal Magnolias and roots for diabetes
Lady with Baby Stroller:
He wrote the Macarena and he dots his I’s with hearts
John Oliver:
And even worse he likes to blame
All:
A llama for his farts!
Hot Dog Vendor: Hey! What’s the big idea?
John Oliver: We just used protected speech to tell Bob Murray to eat shit!
Hot Dog Vendor: Bob Murray? Is that the guy who dipped his balls in my hot dog water?
John Oliver: That’s exactly who I’m talking about!
Hot Dog Vendor: Can I bring my cart?
John Oliver: It’s not ideal
Hot Dog Vendor: It’ll be fine if I leave it here right?
John Oliver: I DON’T KNOW!
The Suck My Balls Bob Dancers:
Murray, Murray
He doesn’t like Tom Hanks
He cut off Van Gogh’s ear
Told Hitler to quit painting and to find a new career
He masturbates to Schindler’s List
Pulled Gamma Rays apart
John Oliver:
He was Cosby’s drug supplier
Jeffrey Epstein’s prison guard
HBO Lawyer: Stop! Everybody please! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!
John, as HBO’s Legal Counsel please stop. I have something very important to say
HBO Lawyer and The Suck My Balls Bob Dancers:
One day at the M&M Store
Bob Murray walked through the door
He wasn’t wearing pants that day
His dick and balls on full display
(Full display!)
He grabbed M&M’s from a bowl
He crammed them up his (Anal Hole!)
He spread his buttcheeks far and wide
He told the tourists to look inside! (Look inside?)
He said “My rectum’s full of treats, reach in there and grab some sweets!”
(Grab some sweets!)
These are all real things Bob Murray did
HBO Lawyer: See you in court fuckface!
John Oliver: Look! It’s Mr. Nutterbutter! We’re singing about Bob Murray. I believe you’ve heard of him
Mr. Nutterbutter: You mean The Zodiac Killer?
John Oliver: That’s the one!
Mr. Nutterbutter: Well my friends have a little something to say about him
The Nutterbutter Quartet:
Bob, Bob Murray is a furry
Putting aside our personal quarrels
The man fucks
Nutterbutter Puppet:
Squirrels!
The Nutterbutter Quartet:
The man fucks squirrels!
Interlude 3: The Suck My Balls Bob Dancers
Eat Shit Bob
Eat Shit Bob
John Oliver: Hey! I know where we should go!
Interlude 4: The Suck My Balls Bob Dancers
Oooh Ahhh
Murray Murray
Eat Shit Bob and…
All:
Hey Bob!
This is bad as you feared
It doesn’t count as
Slander!
Cause it’s way too weird
We made up these anecdotes
We’re silly and insane
We could go on and on and on
And on and on and on and on
But we all know that this song may have really fried your brains
SO EAT!
SHIT!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOB!
AND YOW!