College Pigskin, Week 8

This week’s theme #1: No Longer Undefeated

We began the weekend with six undefeated FBS teams. And then there were three.

I think we call knew that BYU wasn’t the second-best team in the nation. It was just a matter of time before that was officially exposed. It didn’t take long. They lost their first game from the exalted #2 throne. Which was more humiliating – that they lost to a direction team (Central Florida), or that they allowed more than 450 yards in the process? UCF needed two overtimes, but they eventually gave BYU its first defeat.

Are you shocked to find out that #8 Texas Tech was overrated? I wasn’t. They are no longer undefeated after a 37-24 loss to unranked Cincinnati.

Formerly undefeated James Madison was upset by Appalachian in OT. JMU was one of the top contenders for the guaranteed spot in the playoff that goes to the highest-ranked team outside the “Power Four plus Notre Dame.” With Madison falling behind, Boise State seems to have a stranglehold on that spot.

The last men standing in the undefeated ranks: Utah, UCLA, Miami.

Miami is averaging nearly 50 points per game. Let’s see how that stands up against Notre Dame in two weeks.

Elsewhere:

#6 Indiana and Michigan played another one of those boring-ass games dominated by defense. It was 6-6 in regulation, all on field goals, with each quarter contributing exactly 3 points. Indiana gained fewer than 200 yards in regulation, and Michigan’s total was not much higher. Michigan’s ground game was almost non-existent: 57 yards on 42 carries. Indiana pulled it out in OT. This was their first win in Ann Arbor since 1967.

#7 Mississippi lost to #19 Texas in a battle of free-wheeling, high-risk offenses. Texas was ahead 24-3 at halftime, but got sloppy, and it was soon 24-24. Texas QB Arch Manning again allowed three turnovers (2 INTs and a fumble), but Ole Miss was even sloppier, with 3 INTs and 27 incomplete passes. Ole Miss had a chance for a last-play TD, but the Longhorns held on. That wasn’t an upset. Texas was the betting favorite.

#11 Tennessee also lost. The story of that game was penalties. Tennessee had eight penalties for 60 yards, including three that nullified TDs. Unranked South Carolina broke a tie with a walk-off FG.

#15 Iowa and #16 USC lost to Minnesota and Wisconsin, because the Big Ten is a tough town. Iowa lost a close one on yet another walk-off FG. USC ran into the steamroller that is the Wisconsin defense. The Badgers forced two interceptions and held USC to negative rushing yardage. If only they could do something when they get the ball.

Oklahoma State was losing to Colorado at halftime and ended up winning by 33. Now THAT is a good second half. That must have been the all-time best locker room pep talk.

This week’s theme #2: Bad Team Names

In a battle of ranked teams, undefeated #10 Utah was behind in the fourth quarter, but scored two unanswered TDs to defeat #14 Houston. SIDEBAR: With an infinite number of possible nicknames for their team, the Utah Utes was the best they could come up with? Isn’t it time for John Oliver to rename their team? It sounds like Joe Pesci named the team. “Yeah, dey wasn’t jest kids. Dey looked like a buncha bad utes, yer honner.”

Speaking of bad nicknames, the Delaware Blue Hens somehow scored 61 points, delighting both of their fans. The visiting team had to go there for the game, so they did not break my long-held belief that nobody has ever gone to Delaware voluntarily.

I had never seen that Delaware mascot before, probably because neither I nor anyone else has ever watched a Delaware football game, or even been to Delaware. Here she is:

That is one fucked-up chicken. It looks like something Hunter Thompson might see on his breakfast plate after a rough night of recreational drugs.

With apologies to you Tar Heels, Hoosiers and Sooners, the traditional finalists, you guys are now also-rans in the bad nickname sweepstakes. In addition to the Blue Hens and the Utes, we have:

The Virginia Tech Hokies. WTF? The Virginia Tech “Hokies” nickname originated in 1896 when a senior won a $5 campus contest to write a new school spirit yell. The Original Cheer: “Hoki, Hoki, Hoki, Hy. Techs, Techs, V.P.I.” Well said, lads! Thomas Wolfe couldn’t have said it better. Although he would have used far more words.

The Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets. Note that they don’t spell it as one word like the wasps. They way they spell it, their team is named after the pastel blazers worn by real estate salesmen, or maybe an especially cowardly windbreaker. “Hey, we’re yellow!” Georgia Tech spells “Yellow Jackets” as two words because the nickname originally referred to the yellow coats and jackets worn by fans in the stands during the early 1900s. (I didn’t make that up!) They also use the best nickname ever – the Ramblin’ Wrecks, but they decided against using that for their football team, choosing instead to name it after Jim McKay’s wardrobe.

The Vanderbilt Commodores. Yeah, I get the reference, but does the phrase “Here come the Commodores” suggest you will soon encounter a powerful football juggernaut or a smooth soul ballad?

They might have a bad nickname, but they have some sweet-ass uniforms.

The Akron Zips. I did not make this up either: “The University of Akron athletic teams are called the Zips as a short form of ‘Zippers,’ which was chosen during a campus-wide contest in 1925 (or 1926, depending on records)” Now that I look at some of their box scores, I see that it’s not a bad name for them. After their first two games last year, they had two zips, and been outscored 78-zip!

A hen is a female. I asked Chat GPT if there were other male sports teams named after females, and it came up with one priceless example:

The Pomona-Pitzer Sagehens

Here’s Delaware’s closest relative. The California school fields a D-III men’s football team called the Sagehens. Their mascot is Cecil the Sagehen. That name dates back more than a century, to when a 1913 campus newspaper explicitly referred to the Sage Hen as she, although it is Cecil rather than Cecilia. So maybe a trans hen, or at least a cross-dresser? California has always been progressive.

Cecil the Sagehen – there’s a mascot to strike fear in the hearts of their opponents. I imagine Cecil invariably explained to the opposing team why violence is never the answer.

(The story is real. The pic is a fake from my imagination.)

The Playoff

If the season ended today with the AP rankings as the final standings, here’s what the playoff would look like:

Mississippi would draw the short straw in this hypothetical scenario. It would be replaced as the 12th seed by Boise State, which would get an automatic bid.

In real life, other teams in the top 12 (not just #12) could get displaced by lower-ranked conference champions. The conference champions in the Power Four get automatic bids. In the past, they automatically got the top four seeds and a bye, but the new rules simply give them a place in the tournament. That could be as low as the 12th seed.

I would love to see Indiana and Notre Dame finish 4-5, as pictured above. That could set up a helluva local rivalry in a bowl game.

The New Rankings

Sorted originally by Sagarin top 50. Re-sort by clicking on the headings – once for best to worst, again to reverse.

The humans and computers are starting to align better.