R.I.P. Mr. Baseball

Without a doubt, Bob Uecker was the most famous bullpen catcher in history.

My friends and I found that one of the great pleasures of collecting baseball cards was reading the comments that Topps would make in their little cartoons on the back of the cards. Of course, the company tried to say something noteworthy about each player, which was pretty simple for the Musials and Kalines of the world, but something of a challenge for a player with a lifetime batting average of .1997. I mean, what is there to say? “Bob is really happy that batting averages are rounded to three decimal places.”

Here are some of the comments they actually made about Bob:

“Bob has had some experience at third base.” According to baseball-reference.com, Bob never played as much as a single inning at third at any level in organized baseball. Unless they were referring to his little league days, I’m assuming the experience Topps referred to was Bob standing on third before being pulled for a pinch runner.

“Bob led the American Association’s catchers in fielding in 1961.” For you non-fans, that’s a minor league, and the comment appeared after Bob had already played a year in the bigs.

“Although he didn’t play in the Series, he picked up a winner’s full share.” We presume it was his own, rather than forging a signature on McCarver’s check.

“Bob is well-liked by the St. Louis pitching staff.” By the time that 1966 card came out, Bob had been traded to the Phillies. Bob batted .139 against the Cardinals that year, so the Topps comment was far more accurate than Topps had envisioned.

Perhaps saddest of all, in the little cartoon on Bob’s 1966 card, after he had spent four years in the majors, the best thing Topps could find to say about his career was:

That had happened in the low minors, eight years earlier. And they even cheated him out of ten points. He actually batted .332, a fact that had been noted correctly on Bob’s 1963 card!

Bob did have a moment. On July 24, 1965, he homered against Sandy Koufax, delivering the margin of victory in a 3-2 win over the Dodgers. For the year Uke was 6-for-15 (.400) against the greatest pitcher of the era. (Koufax finished that season with 26 wins and 382 strikeouts.)

In the following year, Bob remembered that he was Bob Uecker,  and Sandy remembered that he was Sandy Fucking Koufax. Bob went 1-for-16 (.063) against the great lefty that year.

Only then could Koufax retire without the blemish of being owned by Bob Uecker.