Uncle Scoopy's world-weary musings about naked celebrities, sports, humor and other important, manly things.
That’s a great benefit to my cousin, the drug lord. For a mere $50 million, pennies to a drug lord, he can place an authorized agent in each of the ten largest cities in the U.S.
Kidding aside, that would require an act of Congress, but the GOP controls both houses, so I suppose they will salute and march for him.
Thanks to everyone who researched this topic (see the comments section)
1. The span between Stefanie Powers’ first and last scenes was 50 years (1970-2020, ages 28-78), despite a late start. She probably has the longest gap between nude scenes, 44 years between Little Moon and The Artist’s Wife.
1. “Sally Kirkland made her nude debut in 1969’s Futz! and then most recently went nude in 2019’s Cuck, which would tie her with Stefanie Powers.” (Ages 28-78, same as Powers!)
3. Isabelle Huppert made it 48 years with L’Ombra di Caravaggio in 2022 (1974-2022, ages 21-69). Still going strong?
4. Charlotte Rampling made it to 46 years when she did Hannah in 2017 (1971-2017, ages 25-71).
5. Arielle Dombasle: 45 years (Mazarin 1978 to Les Secrets de la Princesse de Cadignan 2023, ages 25-70)
6. Meg Foster’s nudity spanned 43 years (1970-2013, ages 22-65), wrapping with The Lords of Salem in 2013.
7. Glenn Close joined this list in 2025 with a nude scene in The Summer Book. She did her first nude scene in 1983 (The Big Chill), giving her a 42-year span. That was unique on the list, in that she didn’t do her first scene until age 35. No other actress on this list began that late. Her most recent effort was at age 77.
8. Fernanda Torres just hit 41 years of nude scenes (1983-2024, ages 18-59). She has not yet turned 60, so could easily add to her number.
8. Sonia Braga covered 41 years (O Casal 1975, to Aquarius 2016, ages 25-66)
8. Helen Mirren (1969-2010, ages 24-65) got to 41 years with her topless scene in Love Ranch (2010).
11. Demi Moore made it to 40 years (1984-2024, ages 22-62) with The Substance
11. Brinke Stevens, also at 40 years (Slumber Party Massacre 1982 to Beneath the Old Dark House 2022, ages 28-68).
13. Nicole Kidman is just outside the 40 club at 38 years (1986-2024, ages 19-57). She is still young enough to play romantic leads rather than granny roles, and shows no signs of slowing down. Along with Fernanda Torres, Demi Moore and Isabelle Huppert, she is still young enough and active enough to challenge the record. In order to reach 50, Kidman would have to go to age 69, Torres 68, Moore 72, Huppert 71. Huppert can do it now. She would reach 51 or more with just one more nude scene!
14. Marlyn Mason’s nudography apparently spanned 37 years, from Making It (1971) to Model Rules (2008), ages 31-68. She is still alive, so … the record books are open.
14. Also at 37 years, “the lovely and talented and always fantastic Barbara Crampton, from Body Double in 1984 to Jakob’s Wife in 2021. She still seems to be in contact with Charles Band so there’s hope for more.” (Ages 26-63) One more nude scene would put her span over 40, and she looks so good that it is not out of the question.
14. Also at 37 years, Emmanuelle Beart who started with Premiers Désirs in 1983 and made it 37 years with Margaux Hartmann in 2020 (ages 19-56).
14. Lauren Hutton, also at 37 years (ages 26-63), spanned the period from Little Fauss and Big Halsy (1970) to the pilot for Manchild (2007)
18. Jane Asher’s nude career spanned 36 years, from Deep End (1970) to Tirante el Blanco (2006), ages 24-60. She’s still alive and still working at age 80, so the book isn’t closed. Any additional nude scene would give her the longest span.
Jane Asher and Helen Mirren could turn this list upside down with another nude scene. Doing one in 2026 would give them a span of 57 or 56 years, respectively. Is that likely? No, but with Mirren, one never knows. Mirren might even challenge Jessica Tandy in five years to become the oldest mainstream actress to do a nude scene. (Tandy was 84 in Camilla. Mirren will turn 85 in 2030.)
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Are there others that can join this group with more than 35 years or more?
Fyre Festival 2 tickets go on sale today.
Tickets range in price from $1,400 to $1.1 million.
A cool million?
With a “Fyre Phoenix” pass, attendees “will stay amongst the artists and other performing talent” at one of two luxury resorts.
That just means you would get to stay in the same hotel as the performers. That wouldn’t be much even if the performers were Bruce Springsteen, Paul McCartney, Taylor Swift and Beyonce, but …
No musical artists have committed to performing at the three-day event.
I’m not sure how I’ve missed it, but this article is the first place I have ever read about the Voynich manuscript. (Well, it’s at least the first that I recall.
I gather that nobody has been able to figure out what Voynich is or what it says, although scholars have been delving into it for centuries. Wikipedia covers the manuscript, and efforts to decipher it, in an article that stretches nearly to book length.
The New Yorker summarized:
Stored away in the rare-book library at Yale University is a late-medieval manuscript written in a cramped but punctilious script and illustrated with lively line drawings that have been painted over, at times crudely, with washes of color. These illustrations range from the fanciful (legions of heavy-headed flowers that bear no relation to any earthly variety) to the bizarre (naked and possibly pregnant women, frolicking in what look like amusement-park waterslides from the fifteenth century). With their distended bellies, stick-like arms and legs, and earnest expressions, the naked figures have a whimsical quality, though their anatomy is frankly rendered—something unusual for the period. The manuscript’s botanical drawings are no less strange: the plants appear to be chimerical, combining incompatible parts from different species, even different kingdoms. Tentacled balls of roots take the forms of animals, or of human organs—in one case, sprouting two disembodied heads with vexed expressions. But perhaps the oddest thing about this book is that no one has ever read it.
That’s because the book—called the Voynich manuscript after the rare-book dealer who stumbled upon it a century ago—is written in an unknown script, with an alphabet that appears nowhere other than in its pages. The writing system is oddly beautiful, full of looping and fluid curves. A series of distinctive letters, called “gallows” for their resemblance to a hangman’s scaffold, are sometimes conjoined with other letters, or have been embellished with elaborate curlicues by a scribe. What these glyphs signify—whether they represent phonetic information or numeric values or something else—is anyone’s guess.
“In short, I no longer retain any rights to any of my songs. So help yourselves, and don’t send me any money.
NOTICE:
THIS WEBSITE WILL BE SHUT DOWN AT SOME DATE IN THE NOT TOO DISTANT FUTURE, SO IF YOU WANT TO DOWNLOAD ANYTHING, DON’T WAIT TOO LONG.
Tom Lehrer”
If you don’t know who Tom Lehrer is, it must be nice to be young. I envy you, not just because of your strong backs, but because you can discover Tom Lehrer for the first time.
5. Andy Roddick on Men’s Fitness
Pro tennis player Andy Roddick is in great shape – but his biceps are not as plump as they appeared on Men’s Fitness in May 2007. “Little did I know I have 22-inch guns and a disappearing birthmark on my right arm,” Roddick wrote on his blog. “I saw the cover for the first time when I landed in Rome. It was pretty funny. Maybe Rafael Nadal wants his arms back”?
Example from the page:
5. If you feel bad about your mile time, just compare yourself to the sloth. It takes them an entire month to travel one mile.
That doesn’t seem that slow to me. When I was high school, they didn’t need a stopwatch to time my 100-yard dash. They just tore pages off a desk calendar, like in those old movies. Running my heat against a sloth would have been my only chance for a W.
I sort of did that in our state’s Senior Games three years ago. I finished my tennis matches and the tournament director asked if I would mind playing an extra singles match against a guy with nobody else in his age class. (Their rules required the guy to play at least one match – against anyone, win or lose – to qualify for a medal.) It was a nice day, I had some energy left, and I had nothing to lose, so I agreed, not knowing which age class the guy was in. After the match, my friend Rocky asked me how I did, and I said “I won 6-0, 6-0.” He knows that I kinda suck at tennis, so he said “You’ve been practicing.” No, not exactly. I was as bad as ever. The guy I beat was 97 years old. I not only won in straight sets, but I pitched a perfect game. He never won a rally. All I needed to do was hit the ball over the net and it was a sure winner. Some of my shots were within his reach, but he came nowhere near returning them. The only time he ever got a ball over the net was when he served, and he didn’t always manage that.
In essence, I ran the 100 against a sloth.
But he got his gold medal as the top guy in his age class!
The story is good for a laugh, but if I live to 97, I hope I have the energy to go out there and try to cover the whole tennis court, however unsuccessfully.
Here’s a wild one:
8. Children of identical twins are genetically half siblings, even though they are legally cousins.
I had to think about that a second. It means (1) that if one man had one child with each of identical twin women, the kids would be genetically full siblings, even though they had different mothers; (2) that if identical twin men married identical twin women, their children would be all be genetic siblings, even those that had no common parent!
In the latter case, the children with no common parent would legally be first cousins, and therefore allowed to marry each other in some states, despite being full siblings biologically. (There is no state where legal siblings can marry, but the laws don’t consider this oddball case of biological siblings with no common parent.)
The Vikings believed that a goat whose udders produced an endless supply of alcohol waited for them in paradise.
… and he wasn’t subtle about it, stating simply “I love Hitler”, “Hitler was sooooo fresh” and “I’m a Nazi.” He regretted the fact that “Elon stole my Nazi Swag at the Inauguration.”
Discussing his wife, Bianca Censori, who basically went to the Grammys naked, he offered: “I have dominion over my wife. This ain’t no woke-ass feminist shit.”
He also expressed his love for “Puff,” presumably meaning Sean Combs rather than the eponymous magic dragon.
Forget, Linda McMahon. That’s our new Secretary of Education!
Or, as the line went in The Producers:
It’s not really unexplained. It’s just a miracle. Chuck Grassley is pregnant.
The real headline:
Scientists are studying its bowel movements, its dazzling sparkle, and its relation to us.