“Attention Sour Patch Factory people: Give me the autism and no one gets hurt,” said the 71-year-old Cabinet member and vaccine skeptic, who cocked his gun and kicked down the door of the facility, grabbing workers, shooting bullets at conveyor belts, and kicking down enormous vats of bright colored gelatin before demanding to see the “head autism scientist” so he could kill him and “end autism forever.”
‘Show Me Where You Make Autism!’ Shouts RFK Jr., Storming Sour Patch Kids Factory
Yet another Onion page that’s impossible to detect as parody.
I think the Onion really messed up by not having RFK, Jr storm a Sour Gummi Worm candy factory instead of the Sour Patch Kids. To the best of my knowledge, he never had any tiny kids eating parts of his brain.
Very good point!
RFK Jr really fits in perfectly with the rest of this evil clown show, doesn’t he?
He skews a little (a very little) less evil and dumber than the rest of the reich, giving him more of a Fuckstick 1.0 vibe.
Operationally, this is as important as explaining that an orca is actually a mammal, not a fish, as he drags you under and chews your leg off.
I dunno. Saying that autistic people can’t use the bathroom by themselves is definitely Fuckstick 2-3 level stupid. And leading off with “they can’t pay taxes” is 3-level evil.
I will grant that several of his viewpoints don’t fit in with the rest of Trumpelstiltskin, but then a lot of the cult are one-issue dorks (racism, abortion, taxes) who only care about their particular sliver of the plan.
Basically agree. I was just meaning that RFK is more like the original-recipe Trump dumbass crew – Zinke, Pruitt, and like that – than the current bunch of evil shitweasels – Elon, Vought, Nutlick, etc.
Of course, taxonomy is not only pointless but difficult when you’ve got someone like Hegseth or Bondi who’s lots of both.
I’d say that RFK is his own special category. Some of his objectives are actually laudatory at a broad level (example, better general public health) and a couple of his specific ideas are not bad (example, Americans should eat much less junk food). At the same time, he is deeply enmeshed in anti-scientific nonsense and conspiracy theories, including, but not limited to, on the vaccine issue. I think that his laudatory objectives and ideas have almost no chance of being practically realized under this Administration, but his dangerous tendencies are already bearing poisonous fruit. As such, he poses a very serious and active threat to the U.S.. The only potential saving grace is that he, like Musk, might not last long within the Cabinet as I don’t think that either of them will work well in the long-term under the constraints of government systems, even Trumpian government systems.
That is well articulated, and I agree completely.
It’s obvious that he knows very little about autism, and yet he has made it his signature cause. That sentence alone makes him a perfect Trumpist.
I wonder how he thinks Elon goes to the bathroom. And whether you like Musk or not, he certainly pays a shitload of taxes.
Obama: “Let’s get the bad stuff out of the food our kids eat.”
Dems: Yeah!
Republicans: Don’t take away our freedom to be fat.
RFK, Jr. “Let’s get the bad stuff out of the food outr kids eat”
Republicans: Yeah. MAHA!
Dems: What a twisted moron. The food is fine.
I’m on board with much of what RFK wants to do. He’s 80% sane.
It’s the other 20% I worry about.
This is disingenuous both-siderism. Dems have nothing against healthy food. It’s RFK’s anti-vaxx and other anti-science stupidity they oppose.
I wouldn’t call it disingenuous. It’s just plain wrong. Liberals are on board for Bobby’s plans to make food healthier. It appears that the worm missed that part of his brain.
Trump kinda screwed up with Bobby. In general, the President tried to pick the worst person in the world to make each department run correctly (Hegseth, McMahon, Gaetz), in an obvious ploy to tank those departments. In his quest for the worst candidate to head up a department full of scientists, Trump could have made much more appropriate anti-science selections, like a Creationist, a devout Christian Scientist or a Flat Earther.
Bobby, on the other hand, actually has some ideas that are pro-health. (And, of course, some others not as wise.)
Maybe Trump figured that it was hard to find somebody with as much star power who had as many bad ideas. You know how the Prez loves “central casting.”