In what was widely regarded as a misfire by the 81-year-old as he formally bowed out of the 2024 election, President Joe Biden repeatedly flubbed his exit speech today, saying he would “rule the country with an iron fist for one thousand years.” “Tonight, I, Joseph R. Biden, vow to take back my rightful throne atop the nation and continue my violent reign of terror until the end of time,” said a visibly shaky Biden, who, despite his best efforts to string together a coherent resignation, let out bloodcurdling screams, held up a human skull, and threatened to swiftly vanquish any American foolish enough to oppose him.
At press time, worried-looking aides were shuffling Biden off-camera and telling the press corps that his repeated order to ‘Bow down to the Almighty Biden or be doomed to perish’ was the result of his struggle with a lifelong stutter.
Related headline:
Kamala Harris Turns Down Democratic Nomination To Work On Alaskan Fishing Vessel
It’s a nice offer, but I already lined up this whole seasonal fishing gig out of Anchorage that sounds pretty sweet. Sorry, but a promise is a promise, and I’m not budging. I can’t let Captain Nick or the Kingfisher crew down.
You sure that isn’t Sarah Palin?
One of the problems for me if not for many people is the notion that everything needs to be an original thought. It’s a truism though, we really should wonder about the mental health of any person who wants to be President.
Trump is certifiable…
Harris 59 ~ Trump 78 …
Books have been written ~ ‘nuf said!
btw, it’s a good thing Trump doesn’t read! 😮
Some of the time, yeah. But what about if he removes the tag without knowing about the “penalty of law”?
Somebody confused Trump with Biden..
No Trump didn’t need Biden, he was plenty confused to begin with.
The idea was good – if Biden had to give a resignation speech, he would be as bad at resigning as he is at any other communication, and his staff would blame all of his massive errors on a cold or his stutter. I think they could have done a funnier take on this basic premise.
If I had written it, I would have assumed that Biden not only flubs the speech and starts rambling about Cornpop, but he doesn’t actually remember that he resigned, so he just keeps campaigning the next day, pulling a full Costanza.