I started riffing in a thread about the prosperity gospel:
“I hear Jesus said it’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter Heaven. But I solved this problem. I’m the best builder in the world, and I’m rich enough to build a bigger needle. People said it couldn’t be done. For two thousand years, nobody could get a camel through the eye of a needle. Nobody! Then I came along. We’re building the biggest needles you’ve ever seen. Big, beautiful needles. Thirty feet wide. Camels go through them like you wouldn’t believe. Some of them two abreast. And the best part? We’re charging the camels a toll. The rich get into Heaven, the camels get through the needles, and everybody wins. Jesus had two thousand years to solve this problem. I solved it in fifteen minutes.”
“Yes, the needles are made in China, but we’re putting tariffs on them.”
“Jesus? Great guy. Very popular in his day. But terrible businessman. Gave everything away for free. You can’t run a world like that. He could turn water into wine. Before him, there was a tremendous wine business, tremendous, and this guy was giving it away! Unfair competition. Very unfair.
“And Jesus chased the moneychangers out of the Temple. Very crypto-unfriendly.”
“And they call him the Prince of Peace. Everyone knows who the REAL Prince of Peace is, except Norway. I stopped eight wars.”
“I stopped nine wars if you include the war on Christmas, but did Jesus ever thank me? No.”
“People have been listening to God too long. I took over a mess from God. Finally the angels came up to me, big angels, strong angels, tears in their eyes, and said ‘Sir, we need you to take over.'”
“When I took over, I called him the Fallmighty. Nobody knows there is a g in mighty.”
“Some people say you can’t buy your way into Heaven. Wrong. Very wrong. We’re introducing a beautiful new program. Trump Platinum Paradise. Priority boarding, premium clouds, no waiting at the Pearly Gates.”
2 Corinthians …
Also, Trump bible may be available at a discount.
Made in China.
…walk into a bar?
…
St. Paul says, “We don’t see many Corinthians in here.”
First Corinthian says, “At these prices they won’t get many more.”
Jesus says, “But the wine is free – all you can drink.”
Second Corinthian says, “I’ll stick to the menu. Give me a loaf and two fishes.”
First Corinthian says, “True, that wine tastes like your ass.”
Second Corinthian says, “My ass is clean. I was just baptized in the river”
First Corinthian says, “I was talking to St. Paul.”
In the words of Tom, “aint nothing like seeing a cult up front, man”
I hate how true this is because so many believers love it.
Bahahaha… that’s good stuff! Can I use some of those? It’ll make the church circles laugh.
Of course. They are all my own riffs, and anything I write I consider in the public domain.
I’m not American, so just asking: is it true that many republican voters vote mainly to “own the libs”? So they don’t care who the republican candidate is, the person can even be a cretin like Trump, they may even vote against their own their interests, because owning the libs is the main thing they care about?
It’s not the only thing or the main thing, but it’s a pretty big thing.
But I think it’s wise to remember that Trump is unique. He is a cult leader, appointed by god to represent god’s will on earth, and his successor will not inherit his divine right to rule. Future GOP leaders, if they want to hold on to the working class, will have to listen to their concerns. Trump is different, He TELLS them what their concerns are, whereupon they genuflect and accept his divine will.
I would probably put it top 3 in their priorities. They don’t have the emotional intelligence, mindfulness, or empathy to either take responsibility for their own actions nor put themselves in someone else’s shoes. It goes hand in hand with the persecution complex many of them have. When many of them get called on their own horrible views or actions, they act persecuted and then want to burn everything down out of spite.
Look at Elon’s full villain arc. He had media glazing over him as the next Steve Jobs, then butted in with an uninformed opinion on how to save some Chiliean miners years ago, was told by the rescuers he didn’t have a fucking idea what he was doing and immediately went off calling the guy a pedo and showing his true colors.
From then on, its basically been one big ball of flame downhill from there. I’m pretty sure most of MAGA has that arc in some form or fashion. They’ve not evolved emotionally past Kindergarden level intelligence of being told its not nice to call names, take stuff from others, or should share and then destroy the whole block set out of spite.
You really don’t have to go very far to see this on so many levels. Look at how many people threw a fucking tantrum over social distancing and wearing a damn mask during Covid. So many of these people live their entire life in a pattern of persecution tantrum bullshit.
Wasn’t it those trapped kids in the Thailand cave?
trump (and others) discovered that it’s much easier to get people to unite around a common ENEMY than a common goal.
This is his greatest strength, but also his greatest weakness because for some he IS the common enemy. Mainstream liberals and democratic socialists don’t have much in common, but they all agree that Trump is an ass. (I understand that most Republican politicians also agree, but dare not challenge him because of the size and lunacy of his base.)
Making Miller Chief of Staff is doublin’ down on stupid. One wonders how many Reps who “survived” 2026 want to also survive 2028 and beyond? At this point in time getting 2/3 senators to convict Trump in an impeachment may be a given rather than a pipe dream.
Simple math er simple survival as a Dem is elected senator in frickin’ MS!
Stay tuned …
btw, Reps held on to FL by a thread and Dems basically spent no $$$ there. IOW FL is now a swing state for 2028.
All fame is fleeting …
The lesson Trump learned from the mid-terms: not enough Stephen Miller.
Doubling down on fascism…stay tuned indeed.