College Pigskin, week 3

There were some meaningful games this week.

#6 Georgia and #15 Tennessee battled to a standstill, but somebody had to win, and that was Georgia, in overtime.

The same thing happened with #8 Notre Dame and #16 Texas A&M. The teams were dead even. The Aggies won with a last-minute TD.

South Florida had somehow been vaulted into the nation’s #18 position following their surprise victory over Florida, when the entire nation learned for the first time that their team name is the Bulls. It turns out that victory was some kind of Bull shit, or maybe Florida just isn’t that good, because #5 Miami left the Bulls bleeding in the sand, 49-12.

Alleged #12 Clemson disappointed for the third week in a row with a loss to unranked Georgia Tech.

#11 South Carolina didn’t just lose to Vanderbilt, they got curb-stomped, 31-7. I’m not sure who their coach is or what his contract looks like, but a 24-point loss to Vanderbilt should be grounds for instant dismissal, or at least a public flogging.

In other, sillier news:

#23 Michigan had a close call, but narrowly escaped with a 63-3 victory over Hamburger U. Their triumph was marred only by a field goal by Ronald McDonald. Some pundits cried “foul” on the FG because they claimed Mr. McDonald’s giant shoes are weighted.

That wasn’t the slaughter o’ the week. #22 Indiana beat Indiana State 73-0. I don’t know what the spread was, but I’m pretty sure they covered it. State amassed 38 yards passing and 39 rushing in 51 plays from scrimmage. Meanwhile, Indiana ran up 680 yards of offense from scrimmage. You probably need to be a basketball fan to name Indiana State’s team. They are the Sycamores. The only time anyone outside of Terre Haute has ever noticed this name was in 1979, when their basketball team was undefeated until the final game of the NCAA tournament, when they lost to Michigan State. It was the first time they had ever made the tournament at all, and they almost ran the table! They had a pretty good forward you may recall, Larry something. Michigan State had a fairly good player of its own, a certain Earvin Johnson Jr.

Merrimack has now lost to Kent State and Kennesaw State in the same year. I have not done the research, but they are probably the only team in history to be able to make that claim. They did win a game this year, against St Anselm, who was the patron saint of athletes. Oh, wait. I didn’t read far enough. He was the patron saint of athlete’s foot. St. Anselm is a D2 school, so that victory doesn’t count for bowl eligibility. Somehow, I think Merrimack may not care about that. Their goal is to finish the season without any fatalities.

Speaking of Kent State, they almost won a second game. They were up at halftime and lost by just 3. That loss is good for mankind, because the Book of Revelations indicates that two Kent State wins in one season will trigger the worst catastrophes imaginable: plagues, famine, Timothee Chalamet movies, and athlete’s foot. (More work for good St. Anselm.)

How do you know you aren’t really ready for D1 football? When you give up 43 points in one quarter – to Toledo. Ouch. Morgan State is one of the HBCU group, and is highly regarded as an academic and research university. They do play D1 ball in the FCS group. Now ask yourself a question. If you were a truly outstanding black athlete with aspirations to a pro career or even just a great college career, would this be your choice? Of course not. It might be the last institute of higher learning on your list, except for Rabbinical schools. They are never going to be able to recruit great prospects, or even decent prospects. Maybe they could use some of that D1 scholarship money for something they can compete in. I hear pickleball is hot.

Scoreboard