She looks just like her, but does anyone remember the porn star turned politician?

I like the concept. I think I’m also going to dress as a person nobody remembers. I can’t choose between Horst Wessel, a Cliquot Club Eskimo, Ish Kabibble and Joe Biden.

I can’t actually go as Ish for Halloween because I can’t commit to the haircut. If you don’t remember Ish, you’ve probably seen his doppelganger. Jim Carrey used his exact look (and a lot of his schtick) to play Lloyd Christmas in Dumb and Dumber.

I think I can go as Biden. He and I have the same dance moves. It’s an American tradition for the Presidents. The founding fathers wanted poor dancing to be a requirement for the American Presidency, but Ben Franklin got them all drunk and they forgot to add it into the Constitution, so George Washington slipped through the cracks. (He was reputed to be an excellent dancer.) Then, in honor of Washington’s unique stature in American history, they didn’t want any future Presidents to duplicate his unanimous victory in the electoral college or his good dancing, so many states specified that voting rights belonged only to property-holding white men. They weren’t racist or sexist, as most people believe, they simply couldn’t allow even the remotest possibility that a good dancer would be elected.

NOTE: The part about Washington being a good dancer was true.

One commenter suggested that if I really wanted to go for the “forgotten” vibe, I could dig in my closet for a v-neck sweater and go as Howard Dean. Demonstrating how on-point that was, I had to use Wikipedia to see whether Dean was still alive. He is, and is younger than Trump! (As are Bush and Clinton.)

While on Wikipedia, I found this nugget:

Although raised as an Episcopalian, Dean joined a Congregational church in 1982 after a dispute with the local Episcopal diocese over a bike trail.

Theologians have believed since time immemorial that the basis for all spiritual belief should be the proper use of old railroad right-of-ways.

Yes, the ancient prophets foresaw a future with railroads. Hey, they were prophets. Foreseein’ shit was their job.

Anyway, that’s the same thing that made me a Zoroastrian for a brief time in the hippie era.

Hey, I got better.

I finally came to my senses when I came down from that trip and realized that Zoroastrians didn’t worship Zorro.

Which is something of a shame.

The one I really wanted to worship was Zorro’s dad, Burro. Maybe you remember his song:

Burro,
The ass so cunning and free
Burro –
He makes the sign of the B.

Unfortunately, Burro’s vigilantism came to an untimely end. One of his typical, daring, last-minute escapes failed because it took him too long to form a B with his sword. Upon seeing that, his son changed his name from Burro Jr. to Zorro, and the rest is history.