Monday, January 05, 2009
Lindsay Lohan going back to dicks?
Who knows, but stay tuned. I can't see a future for her that includes a dignified and guarded private life. Juliette Binoche she ain't.
Top TV Ratings | Nielsen Media Research
I didn't know this: Two and a Half men is the top rated recurring entertainment program on TV. The only programs with higher ratings during Christmas week were Sunday Football and 60 Minutes.CBS now has 9 of the top ten programs, blocked from a clean sweep only by Sunday Night Football!
Valkyrie Gets In Further Lawsuit Hassles
This one is preposterous, more like a shake-down than a lawsuit.
Britney Spears twitter hacked?
"Hi Y'all. Brit Brit here, just wanted to update all on the size of my vagina. It's about 4 feet wide with razor sharp teeth"I have new respect for Kevin Federline.
"The Producers Guild of America just announced its five Best Picture nominations."
The five choices match almost perfectly with the five "objective" choices - ones with the best critical and IMDb reception, excluding Wall-E and the Swedish Vampire Film.The only difference between the objective choices and the PGA choices was their substitution of the expensive and syrupy Benjamin Button for The Wrestler, which has an edgy, hand-held, low-budget, indie kind of vibe. (The Wrestler is not really a producer's kind of film, in other words.)
Abandoned Frozen Ships
"A graveyard of vessels frozen into blocks of ice near Kamchatka, Russia."
Beantown's Jail Hotel
"Charles Street Jail, built in 1851, became the Liberty Hotel, a 300-room luxury property"
Britney Spears Recording Studio Pokies
Yet another puzzling English translation in China!
Let me get this straight. They have more than a billion people, and a centrally controlled society in which the government can basically recruit people to do its bidding and/or to study whatever they are told to study, including the English language. Despite that, not one person in the entire country can speak colloquial English, and/or the government can't find a fluent speaker to oversee multi-lingual signs. That about sum it up?Think about this: somebody is getting paid to do that translation work. I need to offer my services to China as a translator. I have no idea what those Chinese characters mean, yet I could come up with as good a translation just by choosing English words at random, and they obviously would never spot the problem. "Yup, that says 'Artificial zygotes.' Done. Praise Mao. Paycheck, please."
Oh, sure, they can only afford one rumpologist, but the Brits have plenty of censors for street names.
I say they fire some of the street-name censors and send them to rumpology school here in the States. I hear FU has a fine program. I believe Dean Kardashian has assembled the finest rumpologists in the world, possibly excepting Finland, where there is a rumpologist assigned to every sauna, as a matter of both tradition and law.
"According to the country's (UK) only rumpologist, Sam Amos: 'A round bottom indicates the person is open, happy and optimistic in life."
Talk about downsizing. England once ruled half the world, and the queen alone employed scores of rumpologists. Not to mention 50 pantomime horses. And now ...? 'Tis a thing most passing sad.
Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, and Sheryl Crow are Bikini Friends
More topless Winehouse
"Angelina Jolie better hope her man doesn't see these, because not even he could help but daydream after seeing the way Amy Winehouse was rubbing her sexy titties on the beach in St Lucia this weekend. And who can blame her? If you had a sexy body like that you’d be all up on it too. And does anyone else see a rainbow behind her in the water in that banner picture, or is that rainbow just in my heart? I think I just fell in love."
KATE MOSS topless paparazzi
"Let's see, smoking, drinking and fingering her crotch while she walks around tits out during a day at the beach with her kids? That settles it, Kate Moss is like a real-life Mary Poppins."
Dickonomics: How 5 Everyday Businesses Trick You
9 Things You May Not Know About Mad Magazine
"We could have sex up to 10 times in a single day. We’d do it for 45 minutes and he would just keep on going as I had orgasm after orgasm"
Those are the words of a hot Playboy model describing a well-known male movie star. See if you can guess the identity of the tireless, perma-rigid love god before you click on the link.Small hint: it can't be Tom Cruise.
Big hint: because Cruise is too tall.
Polish up another Nobel: Genius scientists prove that shapely women get laid more than fat chicks
The UK requires one to be 21 to buy knitting needles, or 18 to buy certain cheeses.
Elder Bush says son Jeb would be a good president becauise he is not a total fuck-up like his brothers.
From the "yeah, right" department: Using titanium clubs can make golfers go deaf.
"The risk of going deaf is so great that doctors are advising golfers to wear earplugs while they play their tee shots.""But Andrew Coltart, a professional golfer, pointed out: 'If you are wearing earplugs you might not hear shouts of 'fore,' be hit by a ball on the head and get brain damage.'"
I can't believe Andrew could be a golf pro. He must be a professional logician.
Wife accused of killing husband by "setting his penis alight"
"Setting it alight"? Those Aussie cops really know how to write an arrest report!
The top 25 fictional ads in sci-fi movies
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Here are all the missing posts from the past three or four days
And don't forget the top nude scenes of 2008.
The best and worst films of 2008
This is an objective look at what these award-season lists would look like if based on reviews and IMDb scores.In the Best Film category, several of the alleged contenders are eliminated by the cold, hard numbers. That would include Revolutionary Road, Grand Torino, The Reader, and Benjamin Button, for example. Four films end up in a virtual tie for the top spot: WALL-E, The Dark Knight, Slumdog Millionaire and The Wrestler. The fifth-place film is a Swedish film named Let The Right One In, which is not as well known as the others, but was received nearly as enthusiastically by critics and film buffs. Holding up the sixth and seventh spots are Frost/Nixon and Milk, both of which are expecting multiple Oscar nominations. Milk is pretty much of a shoo-in for a Best Picture nomination, Frost/Nixon is about 50/50 at this point.
The experts are not expecting WALL-E to get a Best Picture nomination, nor Let The Right One In. They will probably be shunted off to the animation and foreign ghettos, respectively. That could theoretically leave the five Oscar nomination slots to be neatly filled by the five others on this list. That may actually happen. Milk, Slumdog Millionaire, and the Dark Knight should be safely in. The other possibilities are still being mulled over by the powers that be.
2008 produced an amazing achievement by the champions in the Worst Picture competition. Two films finished tied for first, or last, or whatever we should call it. What is so amazing about that? Both films, Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans, were made by the same guys! Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seitzer are the culprits. They also came close to a victory last year, when their Epic Movie finished second to Daddy Day Camp. They are the new kings of bad, and their double victory was no minor achievement tainted by weak competition like those WW2 batting crowns in baseball. These guys had to compete against the worst efforts of the very lowest bottom-feeders that our world has to offer: former two-time worst movie winner Uwe Boll, and the much-reviled Paris Hilton. They also had to fend off an impressive effort from my own main man, the distinguished Lord Lawrence, the Cable Installation Gentleman.
Since the two Seitzer-Friedman films and the Paris Hilton offering finished in a virtual dead heat, and I just so happen to have seen all three, I will cast the deciding vote for Disaster Movie. The Hottie and the Nottie was just the usual youthploitation junk, like about 50 movies you've probably watched again and again on cable. It stood out only because of the dread Paree. If it had starred Cameron Diaz or Ana Faris, the same script and direction would have been kinda watchable on a day when you were too tired to look for the remote. Meet the Spartans was no masterpiece. It only had about three jokes that it kept restating again and again in different words and pictures. (Yeah, yeah, the Spartans and Persians both looked really gay. We get it.) But that movie did at least make me smile once in a while. On the other hand, Disaster Movie was another level below that. It is sheer misery to sit through that film. Not only is the experience laugh-free, but the film made me cringe every time it tried for a laugh, and had me cursing aloud at the screen even though I was alone in the room. If Dante had lived in our time and had written Inferno in 2008 after seeing that movie, he surely would have written Friedman and Seitzer into the lowest ring of hell, along with Judas, Stalin and Hitler. And maybe our good friend Count Lorenzo, the Cable Engineer.
Sidebar: Nic Cage has now easily usurped Affleck as the king of A-list bad movies by adding Bangkok Dangerous to an impressive resume which already included The Wicker Man.
By the way, here are all the previous years' worst picture lists, and all kinds of other lists, many of them filled with naughty stuff, including all ten years of the "best nude scene" polls.
Weekend Box Office Results for January 2–4, 2009
Business as usual. This is the official week when a studio boss is allowed to milk a cash cow instead of acquiring a new calf.
The history of the twentieth century in black and white photographs, #101
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Sex Trade: Spitzer Madam Imagines Britney Spears As Whore
And you thought YOUR cell phone was expensive!
