Monday, February 08, 2010
SNL's Unaired Twitter Sketch Starring Ashton Kutcher
Jenny Craig ad: George Costanza is a total wuss
Drink Beer for healthy bones
Holy shit! I wasted a lot of childhood on milk.
Video: Dave Barry loved the Super Bowl but not the urinals
Live Cow Fed to Tigers in Chinese Zoo in Front of Tourists
"In China a live cow was fed to tigers to entertain tourists. A witness says that a tourist can order a cow for tigers for $200."I am thankful that the pics are not very graphic.
Anna Torv (Modestly) Topless Esquire Pictures
People That Look Kinda Like Celebrities
Hot Fresh Pics: The Hottest Fans Of Super Bowl
44th Super Bowl surpasses M*A*S*H finale as most-watched show ever
MASH set the record back when there were fewer TVs. MASH still holds, however, the record for the highest percentage of white people watching, at a tough-to-beat 100%. (The real numbers show that it was watched by 60% of all households in America, and 77% of all households who had their TVs on. I dunno the real percentage of white households, but fill in a very high number and you'll be close.)There was a BBC program called Follow Me! - elementary instruction in the English language - which was typically watched by some 350 million people in China. That's probably the single country record.
Nobody is sure of the world-wide record, but the strongest claimant is probably Princess Di's funeral, which was watched by an estimated 2.5 billion people.
"I Love Love Magazine"
"Kate Moss nude, Naomi Campbell nude, Lara Stone nude, Daria Werbowy nude, Natalia Vodianova nude, Amber Valletta nude, Kristen McMenamy nude, Jeneil nude ... "
The David Letterman Campus Radio Program - WAGO - 1969
Jack Nicholson is considering being picked to death by vultures when he dies.
Why wait?
Inside the Singular Hysteria of the Brutal Academy Awards Race
Nanny state researchers determine: Boredom can literally kill you
This will undoubtedly require nanny state officials to place a warning label on tickets to Ringo concerts.
Ex-madam Kristin Davis to run for New York Governor
Politics is just a continuation of her previous job. We have to pay her, and then we get screwed. And she's already in bed with several lobbyists.She relishes the irony of running for the job formerly held by the guy who put her in jail for doing business with himself! (While he stayed out)
How Letterman pulled off the Leno/Oprah commercial
You have to give Letterman credit for always following his own prime directive: "If it's funny, we do it."
All of the 2010 Super Bowl Commercials
"Cialis for three ways" - SNL skit starring Ashton Kutcher.
Joanna Krupa Topless Lingerie
MIKE TYSON: Dancing With The Stars Italian-style
Kinda surreal.
Mary Carey Can't Contain Her Cleavage
The former candidate for Governor of California "didn't put them bad boys on too tight a leash."
An early candidate for Douchebag of the Year, 2010: The Snookstress
Dave Barry: Super Bowl was great - and so was the game
"All in all I thought it was a terrific Super Bowl, except when the Toyota Corolla with the stuck throttle crashed through the west grandstands and took out the entire CBS sideline reporting staff.I'm kidding, of course.
It was a Camry."
7 Greatest David Hasselhoff Music Videos Of All Time - mdolla
Sunday, February 07, 2010
The FBI is watching the John Edwards sex tape
The FBI has a copy. In other news, a backwoods hillbilly judge has ordered Jones to surrender the original tape, which he has not done so far.
Weekend Box Office Results for February 5-7, 2010
Avatar has finally been dethroned. The Nicholas Sparks weep-fest Dear John has won the weekend. Avatar may have won Saturday and Sunday - we won't know until the numbers are finalized - but Dear John kicked so much ass on friday that it easily held on for a 32-24 victory.The Travolta movie got even worse after a weak Friday opening. Based on the estimates, it appears to have finished fourth on Sunday - behind The Tooth Fairy. Oh, the shame!
The weekend finished considerably behind the weekend of Feb 6-8, 2009. Avatar has been shoveling the whole load alone. As it tires, the engine is running low on steam.
7 Insane Ways Music Affects The Body (According to Science)
SNL: Rahm Emanuel "Apologizes" Profanely
Sarah Palin Wrote Notes on Her Hand at the Tea Party Convention
Saturday, February 06, 2010
Late Night Political Jokes Updated
"And just two weeks before he is scheduled to go to Nevada to campaign for Harry Reid, President Obama said Las Vegas is a place of excess that people should not visit during hard times. I guess the president feels if you want to see people cavorting with prostitutes and wasting your money, you should go to Washington." Jay Leno
"President Obama is having a big Super Bowl party. And you know what he is doing? This guy is shrewd, very savvy politically. He has invited a bunch of senators to come to the White House for the Super Bowl party. What could be more fun than watching a four-hour football game with Joe Lieberman? Rock 'n' roll!" David Letterman
"President Obama has decided to skip the Winter Olympics in Vancouver. I think he's still mad they stiffed him in Chicago. But they said it would be very expensive to arrange proper security for Obama, so they're sending Vice President Joe Biden in his place. Because, you know, who cares?" Jimmy Kimmel
"Oh, here's something interesting and important. The Pentagon now wants to allow gays to serve openly in the military. You know what that means, ladies and gentlemen? More parades." David Letterman
"I think it was Bill Clinton who popularized the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy. But don't confuse that with another Clinton policy — 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell Hillary.' That was a whole different policy." David Letterman
Best ... trailer ... ever?? Another incredibly naked trailer for Room in Rome
Megan Fox Before She Was Megan Fox
Daily Box Office for Friday, February 5, 2010
Avatar finally got booted to #2 by the girly movie. Avatar has lost a Friday before, then come back to win the weekend, but that doesn't look like a possibility this time. Dear John is doing much better than expected, and won Friday 14-6.By the way, the Travolta movie bombed, pulling in only three million on Friday. It was expected to pull about 60% of Dear John's gross, but actually came in with about a third of that.
Clip du jour: Gone with the Wind with Vampires
This kinda matches some of the pitches I have been making to Hollywood lately, for example:
- Crime and Punishment and Big Blue Space Cats in 3D
- Pride and Prejudice and Big Blue Space Cats in 3D
- War and Peace and Big Blue Space Cats in 3D
Imagine how the brave Russian people would thrill to know that they defeated not a bunch of fluffy-pastry-eating, puffy-shirt-wearing French sissies, but some gigantic and colorful 3D space cats - despite the fact that the Russian partisans were in 2D and B&W.When you get right down to it, pretty much any movie is better with gigantic blue 3D space cats.
... and, of course, bare breasts.
I mean breasts from the human women, not the space cats.
Unless Christina Hendricks is playing one of the space cats.
Fresno tops the list of the drunkest cities in America
Austin also placed in the top 5. Interestingly, Las Vegas did not. I suspect this is because of a methodological error. The rankings are based on data like liver disease, alcohol-fueled car crashes and the number of DUI arrests. The liver disease data really only show the drinking habits of the locals, not of all the people who are present at any given time, so all the drunken tourists in Vegas and New Orleans would not show up in those statistics. Despite that, those two towns finished 11th and 25th, respectively. Moreover, the driving-related data would be acutely biased against any town where people do not normally drive personal vehicles to and from work and events. Therefore, New York City would place low simply because so many of the drunks are on public transportation or in taxis rather than in their cars.
According to the analysis, Fresno has one museum, seven movie theaters and 106 bars.Y'know, 106 bars within a 15-mile radius for 500,000 people doesn't seem like that many to me. I'm thinking Wisconsin got screwed in this analysis. According to yellowpages.com, Green Bay has 56-59 "bars" for 100,000 people.
According to the alcohol sales per capita, the three top states are New Hampshire, Nevada, and Wisconsin. I suppose Nevada's high numbers are attributable to the alcohol purchased by tourists, so that would make New Hampshire and Wisconsin the big two for locals.
(Studies of self-reported alcohol abuse generally show that the Midwest has the highest level of heavy drinking.)
I have no theory to explain how Rochester, New York, my birth town, could be one of the three soberest cities in the USA, although it doesn't strike me as especially surprising. What does surprise me is that Miami is one of the five soberest!
Restaurant promotes sex in its bathrooms for Valentine's Day
Kutai the orangutan picks the Colts
Big deal. All the largest primates are going with the Colts. Except maybe Rush Limbaugh.
VIDEO: Jimmy Kimmel's Jitterbug sexting for seniors!
9 Most Annoying Commercial Jingles Of All Time
